As long as I can remember, a favorite topic of myself and my girlfriends is BOYS. I guess now they're technically "men," though I think that's debatable. We analyze what they've said or done, what it "really means" and how that meaning affects our feelings. Truth is, guys aren't that deep. Most of the time, they just don't want to hurt our feelings. Therefore they will lie, sneak, speak half truths, and act "shady" in order to get around potentially making a woman cry. I'm sure you've heard of a woman's intuition; use yours. If it comes out of his mouth and you don't think it's true or it just SOUNDS off, you're probably right. Sure, there's always cases of paranoia, but use your innate detective skills to find out if your hunch is right. Even if this means asking a question more than once, I think it's worth it.
And guys: shame on you. If you have ever been ambiguous with a woman and it effected her feelings, you should be punished. Think about what you're doing when you're sending a false message or mixed signals. Think about her situation. If she's not just looking for a good time, don't treat her like YOUR good time. Using someone is despicable. Let her go, find yourself someone who is on your same level in the "playing field," because if you don't you're wasting her time and energy that she could be spending finding a real, loving relationship. And who in their right mind wants to keep someone from having such a satisfying life experience?
Everything I've said can go for girls too. I know I've been on every side of the mindset "I don't want this person, but I don't want anyone else to have them either." it's a bad place to get stuck. If you're doing the stringing along: stop! You're viciously wasting someone's life, moments they can never get back, and destroying their self esteem as well. They are likely passing up potentially wonderful romantic situations because they're hoping you will come around. If you're hanging on to the string: LET GO. YOU are the only person in charge of your life and you alone can change it for the better. Do you really deserve the tidbits you get from that person? A random phone call or text, some scarce Facebook activity, a drunk hookup? Psssh!! You're worth more than that!! I mean, I don't know you, but I know that I am worth a hell of a lot more than that. You've probably got a great heart full of warmth that would make someone incredibly happy, and in return you will be satisfied by being appreciated and loved with the same ferocity that you give. I can't stress enough that you are worth so much more than being dangled on a string as a backup plan.
Never let someone put you second. If they do it once, they probably always will, so move on to a situation where you are first and ONLY place.
As far as mixed signals go; consider them all one signal: that person is NOT that into you. They aren't confused. They aren't having a hard time. They're not going through something. Even if they actually ARE they will still make sure you know how they feel because they wouldn't want you to slip away. When a guy likes a girl, or vice versa, they will make sure she knows. They won't play games, forget to call, or always be too busy. Nobody wants to waste a good thing.
Lastly, I will address the friend zone. It's great to care about someone and try to be a good friend to them. The older you get, the easier it seems to be to detach yourself and really be a friend. An objective opinion is always a source of good advice. However, don't let yourself get taken advantage of. Don't let your friendship be one sided. If you're continually giving and giving, but your friend doesn't give back, they probably aren't really a friend to YOU. If you've been in situations they could have helped or acted in, and they didn't, thats your cue to surround yourself with real friends. Don't give parts of yourself that won't be given reciprocally. In the end, all that will result is confusion and hurt feelings. It's tempting to give someone the benefit of a doubt, but if they've flaked on you, said something that they know hurt your feelings, or even TALKED about you behind your back (wether they fessed up or you found out, words were still said) you need to reevaluate that relationship. Don't let yourself be vulnerable. You're stronger and better than that.
So my rule for this post is: always wear your armor. It's not good to be completely closed off, but it's not good to be completely open either. Know when to shield yourself, and know when to drop your guard.
I don't usually do this, but I want to dedicate this post to a very dear friend. Though we haven't been so close for long, the bond between us is incredibly strong. Some say they can't remember what they did before they had a person in their life: I remember. I was miserable. I didn't have anyone to talk about my feelings with. Noone was there to say "hey Kate, that's a TERRIBLE idea." because i remember NOT having this great friendship, i appreciate it all the more. I value and trust your opinions and advice more than you know, and I can't thank you enough for your beautiful, insightful, and most of all REAL personality. I love you Patsy Springer!
